Gratitude 11/2/2012

*This isn’t directly related to the boat but gratitude is universal so I thought I would share. Namaste.

Today I am grateful for:

Being alive.

I just saw on Facebook that my old friend Matt Sayles passed away one year ago on the 10th of November. While he and I weren’t very close, I still hung out with him and I feel this overwhelming sadness that he died one year ago and I had no idea. I didn’t know he had been diagnosed with cancer, was battling cancer, or that he had died from cancer. I started reading about his experience and found that he had kept a blog throughout his battle. I read every entry. Here is a link to the blog: http://saylesmd.com/blog/. Originally I was going to keep this gratuity journal private. After reading about Matt’s experience, and how hearing other people’s stories helped him– and from my own experience, seeing how other people sharing their experiences has helped me, I’ve decided to share what I am grateful for today. Not only am I grateful to be alive, I am grateful to be healthy, I am grateful to be breathing, I am grateful that I am not in pain. I am so, so, grateful. In honor of Matt, stop what you are doing for a moment, and just be grateful that you are here.

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My Calling

You know how people say “when you know you know.” I never got that. I was like…well how? How do I know? And they were like…”you just do.” That pissed me off. As someone who changes their mind about things frequently; jobs, relationships, living situations, circles of people…I’ve never felt really sure about anything. Life is change right? You’re supposed to go with the flow. 

There were times that I thought I was sure. I thought I knew who I was going to marry, where I was going to settle down, what I would do for the rest of my life. And then things would fall apart and I began to doubt my ability to tell fantasy from reality. I found that my strong desire to tie everything down, superglue it in place, and then beg that it sticks so that I don’t have to experience change and everything that comes with it for the umpteenth time, wasn’t working.

I turned 27 in August and something shifted. I can’t pinpoint exactly what it was but I know that it had something to do with the ending of my 3 year relationship, quitting my job, and moving (after living in a hotel for a week because I was “homeless”). I was suddenly back at square one and everything happened so quickly I barely knew how I had gotten there.

As I started to pick up the pieces I found them falling into place before I even touched them. I found an awesome, cheap, and centrally located apartment that would let me move in with my two cats. I got 3 new roommates who are like my long lost sisters. I got a job at a beautiful coworking loft on Newbury Street. I found a therapist that I actually like (trust me, if you’ve been in therapy before you know that it can be difficult to find a therapist that you mesh with). I fell in love. Wait, what is happening. Are things actually coming together this smoothly? Something must be wrong. As I realized that my life was coming together before my eyes I did what any normal 27 year old girl would do. I decided that it was now time to move onto a boat.

I haven’t told my mom yet. It’s one of those things where you know what your mom will say if you call her and you’re like, “So, everything is going like really great. Ben and I are happy and in love. Henry and Lily [my cats] are doing well. My job is awesome and my apartment is great but, I decided that this winter I’m going to move…onto a boat…in the Boston Harbor.”

We all know that the outcome of that conversation will not be a good one. I did tell my dad and he was like, “Al, just…chill. You need to stay still, you need to let your mind rest for a bit, you need to be bored for a little bit.” I found it extremely ironic that he said that I need to be “bored” because at a networking event that I was at a couple of days before they had an icebreaker question and this is what I wrote: Image

I’m sorry but I’m not bored. I can’t help it, I’m just not. I have a lot of things going on. There is a lot I want to do and sitting still just won’t work for me.

So, back to things falling into place. They have. My boyfriend happens to live around the corner from the shipyard at the Boston Harbor. One thing lead to another and I became involved with Harbor Arts, a non-profit organization that is run out of the shipyard. Through Matt, the executive director of Harbor Arts I met Dan the shipyard owner. I told Dan I wanted to move onto a boat but I have no money. He told me he had a boat he was looking to get rid of. I asked him how much? He said, it’s free.